I Thought I was Listening ... But My Prospect Knew Better!

Sales Bulletin:  I Thought I Was Listening …but my prospect knew better!

 

“I use the same focus and attention for listening that most people reserve for speaking.”

                       -- Lilly Tomlin

 

Routinely I will speak to a gathering of salespeople, and the one question I will usually ask is the following:

                  What is your greatest strength in selling?

 

I suspect subconsciously you just answered the same way the majority of people answer, and it goes something like this, “Well, I’m really, really good with people!”  Really?  Exactly what does “really, really good with people” mean? Which people are you really good with? What are you doing when you are good with them? What is the result of your being really, really good with them?

 

In most cases, people who see themselves in that light typically do have a higher level of energy for people and enjoy being with people, but the question is not are you really, really good with people, but are those people enjoying you being really, really good with them… what effect do you have on them?

 

One of the strongest qualities and traits of someone in sales who is extremely capable with people is the ability to develop non-defensive listening. The ability to listen in a non-defensive manner is a powerful, shared emotion with your prospect. Many salespeople define listening as “getting ready to speak.”

 

A book I recommend salespeople have in their library (and that includes having read it) is Daniel Goleman’s book titled Emotional Intelligence. One of the many fabulous insights he makes in the book is, “The most powerful form of non-defensive listening is empathy: actually hearing the feelings behind what is being said.”

 

I would join with Goleman to say not only is empathy important, but a second, equally important piece is ‘curiosity.’ Great salespeople are genuinely, sincerely curious about the other person and their position, plight, challenges, opportunities and possibilities.

 

It is so easy in a sales call to go from curiosity to politicking. Have you ever noticed when someone is listening to you, but you know they are not actually gathering anything from what you are saying? They are simply waiting their turn to speak or they’re looking across your shoulder at something else, or their listening is simply trying to be politically correct.

 

Empathy is defined as the capacity for experiencing the same feelings and thoughts of the other person.

 

Curiosity is defined as an eagerness to learn.

 

Imagine how effective a person would be if they really listened with empathy and curiosity?

 

A third strategy for engaging another person is a technique called mirroring; this is accomplished through your body language. Body language is psychologically a powerful listening engagement tool when the person listening with empathy and curiosity will actually mirror the position, facial expressions and movements of the other person. Now that’s not copying or mocking; it’s a genuine resemblance in body posture, which sends a strong signal to the other person that you are actually engaged. Studies reveal that 57% of communication is more defined not by tonality or words, but by body language.

 

Empathy and curiosity are represented in physical form by your body language as you listen. For good examples of great listeners, watch the talk show hosts use body language, curiosity and empathy to engage their audience and the person with whom they are speaking.

 

If you are good with people – truly good with people – you will follow Lilly Tomlin’s great advice to reserve the same focus, passion and attention for listening that you do for speaking. Become a great listener – not a great politician. You will see results.

Ken Edmundson
Edmundson Northstar Companies
2650 Thousand Oaks Blvd., Suite 3110
Memphis, TN 38118
ken [at] northstarinstitute [dot] com
northstarinstitute.com
v. 901.766.4560
f. 901.766.8135